Disclaimer: I am exhausted, not using spell check and will likely ramble in this post. Sorry!
Ron invited us, Becky, Keith, Dana & Aaron over to his apartment for dinner this evening and it was DELICIOUS! Why am I not surprised? We also were able to have a video conference call with Ron's wife, Dinia who is still in Alabama, waiting to return to Moscow. Dinia, you would have been very proud of Ron tonight. We had another wonderful evening and are still in awe over Ron's kindness and generosity. We plan on heading to dinner at Mama's Pasta on Friday, as we close out another wonderful week in Moscow and see Becky & Keith home!
Ilya was all smiles and laughter for us again today. Pasha keeps saying that our little guy is always so happy and in such a good mood, which is true. I only hope he continues to be this happy, or better yet even happier once he is with us permanently.
Things got interesting towards the end of our visit with Ilya today, and I hope we handled this correctly. I'm really looking for input from families who have brought their little ones home and have BTDT (been there, done that). There was another couple at the orphanage today, playing with the little boy they met for the first time this past Monday. (They are with a different agency than us.) Eventually they made their way over to us & we all made our introductions. We were playing in a gazebo and I opened its gate so that family could join us. Oh, and prior to them coming over to us, Ilya was acting like he normally does...smiles, laughter, mimicking, finger walking, cooing, etc.
So, this family joins us in the gazebo, and Ilya starts eye balling the 3 of them. Norm & I were both sitting in little chairs and Ilya was standing on the floor, supported between Norm's legs. Norm was holding Ilya's hands in his own, and we both noticed that Ilya started rubbing his little fingers over Norm's hands over and over and over again. Very rhythmically. He was so quiet and so very still. He watched the family from a distance and had no interest in meeting the mom or dad, or even the little boy. Every once in awhile, Ilya would look up at Norm, making eye contact for a very long time like he needed the reassurance that Norm was still there and still the one holding him. Norm would give him a kiss on the cheek, talk to him, hug him close.
Ilya decided he wanted on my lap. When I placed him there, he snuggled as close to me as he could get, and grasped onto my fingers tighter than he ever has before. He wouldn't let go, not that I wanted him to. Like he did with Norm, he kept looking up at my face, making long periods of eye contact. He seemed really...uncertain I guess, about what was going on. I held him as close to me as I could, kept my cheek to his, and whispered that I was right there and always would be. I just continued to hold/hug him, rock him and whisper.
I know Ilya doesn't understand the words yet, but I hope he understood the action. I felt like the new family was somehow a little threatening to him. Like he thought those parents were going to take him from us, or that we were going to play with that little boy and not him. Ilya is normally very social and likes to interact with others, but today he seemed scared or stressed or uncomfortable. I'm not sure what words I'm looking for to describe his behavior, other than very un-Ilya like. I didn't want to be antisocial with this family but at the same time I'm glad our interaction with them was interrupted by a caregiver. I don't want Ilya upset, and he seemed to be uncomfortable or uneasy for whatever reason.
On one hand I'm sad to think that he was stressed today but on the other hand, I'm glad he seemed to seek us out for comfort and reassurance. It breaks my heart to even think that he might have thoughts of someone taking him from us, and I am almost certain that's what the problems was. I'm really hoping this is another step we've overcome in our attachment and bonding process. That we were able to offer him the reassurance and comfort he needed. I'm also hoping we handled this situation correctly for Ilya, and would love input from other families as to what you think Ilya was trying to tell us.
Prayers for our Children
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5 comments:
Sounds like you handled it perfectly! I think once the babies feel the love and undivided attention for the 1st time, it strikes something deep inside their heart, and it feels so good to them that they don't want it to ever end.
One thing we've noticed about Eli now that we've been home a month is that he has a lot of fear. Not of new situations, but of the love going away. At times, I can tell that he is still afraid to trust in our love for him, and just relax in it, knowing that it will be there for him forever.
Just keep reassuring Ilya and loving him.
I don't think there is much to be made of it. I think he was checking out the new people but was taking comfort in the security he is finding in you. Artem will do the same thing sometimes. He observes people and when they get close to us, he'll latch on to us and look at us several times to make sure we are still close to him. I'd just take it as a good sign that Ilya is checking out other people around him and has you for security while he does it.
Enjoy Mama's Pasta! I highly recommend the tiger prawn stuffed ravioli in the cream bisc sauce. Yum!
Things will be so different once you are in your own familiar territory. What a blessing to be able to meet with other American families.
Hi, I think it is wonderful that Ilya was holding on so closely to both of you. It will be so great once you can finally take him out of the orphanage and then he will trust more that you will be together forever. He sounds like such a sweetie!
I agree with Ana - you handled it perfectly. I think Ilya just wanted to be be reassured by you and Norm that all was OK. I am sure he has not been in the prescence of another family and this was one of those "first experiences" for him. I think it is great that he looked to you and Norm for reassurance and comfort!
Jaxon does this in new situations, as did Luca. They are curious about others/new situations, but want to know that Mom/Dad are right there and not going anywhere.
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