by the word "smoothie" in this label:
It is by far the worst instance of false advertising E.V.E.R.!!!!! No friends, it is nowhere close to being smoothie or banana like, but in fact is as identical to drinking sludge as I can imagine. It is horrid and cruel, yet is a necessary evil if you are having an abdominal/pelvic CT Scan as I did yesterday. I had to drink two of these vial bottles; one at 9:30am, the other at 10:30am and I had to be at my appointment at 11am, which means I had to drink the 2nd bottle as I drove myself on our winding backroad all the way to the hospital. I did have to stop to puke on the way there, but I made it to my appointment on time. Yay me! They should have give me a "good patient" or "I'm so brave" sticker...
Unfortunately the only vacant chair in the lobby was right beside the trashcan, which SOMEONE ELSE had puked in but no one had bothered to take care of yet, so I was left standing and queasy and really, really hungry! They finally called me back only to inform me they had to give me IV contrast. I don't do well with needles, or blood, or pain, or the combination of the three so of course I start feeling queasy again. The tech was actually very nice and distracted me by somehow managing to get me talking about adoption and our journey to Cubby. As it turns out, she & her husband have been diagnosed with infertility and are considering adopting as well. She ended up using me as a pin cushion because my veins would not cooperate at all, but the great conversation made up for the fact that I was stuck a bizzillion times before she finally got the IV catheter in.
Next, we move into the CT room and the machine is actually smaller in diameter than I thought it was going to be. Have I ever told you I am slightly (okay, very) claustrophobic? I've only been to a tanning salon once. Not because of the whole skin cancer issue, but because I had no idea the tanning machine slowly closes on and encapsulates you. At least this particular one did. Maybe it was evil, I don't know. But I ended up planting the palms of my hands and bottoms of my feet on the top portion of the machine, trying my best to keep it from closing because I thought it was malfunctioning. I was absolutely freaking out because of my whole claustrophobia issue. Once I realized the top was going to keep coming down I scurried out from underneath it and ran for my life blubbering like an idiot who had no idea how tanning beds work. Guess I needed the "Tanning Beds for Dummies" book but it didn't really matter because I refuse to go in one again.
I digress... So the CT machine is much smaller than I thought it was going to be, but I figured I'd be okay because it was an abdominal scan so my head shouldn't go in, right? Made sense to me. I lie down on the little bed thing, follow all the breathing instructions they give me, and then feel the bed start to move a little. STUPID STUPID ME opens my eyes and I realize my head is now in the scanner for whatever reason and I immediately panic. Knowing they have a microphone and can hear me, I call Melissa's (tech's) name as calmy as I can in my now terrified state. She tried to talk me out of my panic and assured me that there would only be a "few minutes" left for my head to be in the machine. I reminded her that our definitions of a "few minutes" may vary drastically, and she sweetly reminded me that the longer I kept talking the longer the test would take. So, I shutup and closed my eyes and was grateful she had a sense of humor that I "got."
True to her word, a few minutes later my head was out of the machine. She came out from behind her glass enclosure and told me it was time to administer the IV contrast. She said I would almost immediately feel very warm from head to toe, that I would get a weird metal like taste in my mouth, and that I would feel like I had to go to the bathroom. All of that did, in fact, happen. But what she didn't say was that not only would I feel like I "had" to pee, but I would also feel like I had "already" peed. There is a difference between those two sensations!!!! Imagine my surprise when it felt like I had wet my pants, which by the way I haven't done since I was like 5???? I was thinking GREAT!! Now I have to not only walk through this building with soiled clothes, but I also had to drive 30+ minutes home and try to explain to my husband why my car smells like pee the next time he drives it. Thankfully, the sensation was just that, a sensation, and I did not actually pee on myself! As stressed as that made me at the time, I laughed about it all the way home.
The results will most likely be back on Tuesday, March 17. I'm going to call my dr. on Monday though & ask her not to get back to me until Wednesday. You see, the 17th is a very special day for our family and I don't want anything to take away from the celebration. Even if the results are normal, I don't want to spend the 17th waiting and wondering when the doc is going to call. I don't want to be distracted but instead to be grateful for God's blessing to our family on March 17, 2008. Most of you probably know what I am referring to, but please tune in on Tuesday to celebrate with us.
So let's talk about that "smoothie" again. Believe me when I say that this little guy is far sweeter than that imposter banana smoothie could ever hope to be:
.JPG)
