I’ve never been much of a fashion guru. I much prefer comfort over style which might explain some of the looks I got from the Russian women during our 2 trips, or their audible gasps when I dared wear sneakers rather than stiletto heals. I do like to look presentable but I’m far from keeping up with the latest fads. My first priority when I get home from work is to gladly trade in the burdensome “professional” wardrobe for my PJ’s (or “lounge pants”), and fuzzy slippers.
So when Norm’s mom gave me 2 rolling trouser trolleys a few weeks ago, each with the capacity to hold 15 pairs of pants, I was certain that I’d never be able to fill one with just my clothes alone. In fact, I laughed to myself thinking Norm & I could share one of these rollie things and maybe even have a hanger or two left over. Judy’s timing was great though because a few days before, our closet literally self imploded. Seems the genius who built our closet system only nailed it into the drywall – nothing was screwed into the studs. When we realized this, we were actually surprised it held up as well as it did for 3 years. We did our best to fix things but honestly we’ll need to do a better job at it sometime in the (hopefully not near) future. The welcome addition of the new trouser trolleys means less weight on the now questionable closet system. So as I’m cleaning up the mess from the self imploded closet, I start making piles:
- summer clothes that, sadly, can go into a plastic storage bin for a few months
- clothes that can go to Goodwill for whatever reason
- jeans and pants for the trouser trolley thing
And so on. Before I know it, the pile for the trouser trolley is H.U.G.E. Where in the world did I get all these pants and jeans? Why do some still have price tags on them?
Then it hit me…the disproportionate size between the Goodwill pile and the trolley pile. And yet I’ve had the nerve to complain to Norm umpteen times that I supposedly have “nothing to wear.” Not only could I have filled BOTH trolley’s on my own if I wanted to, some of that stuff had never been worn or even had the tags removed.
Feeling somewhat selfish and very embarrassed, I found my thoughts drifting towards “N” – Ilya’s birthmom. I actually think of (and THANK) “N” each day, but I hadn’t allowed myself to consider the enormity of her situation until that moment. There I was, sitting amidst 30+ pairs of jeans/pants, while somewhere in Russia, “N” and her sister are living a daily struggle just to survive. Their concerns don’t lie in what outfit they will wear that day, if their earrings match their sweaters, which boots look best, or if they have enough pairs of pants to fill one or two trouser trolleys. Instead, they are concerned with where and when they will get their next meal, how they will stay warm in the brutal Russian winter, finding a job and perhaps even finding a place to live… They have none of my luxuries but they do have each other and for that I am grateful.
I can’t help but wonder why it is that I am so fortunate. So blessed. So lucky. So privileged. While at the same time, “N” and sadly so many others face such hardships. I have not sacrificed much in my life. Yet, I have been immeasurably blessed by N’s sacrifice. Her amazing, beautiful, loving, funny and intelligent baby boy has been entrusted to us. It is our honor to call him our son, and it is her selfless act that allows us to do so.
How selfless was I as I shopped for those 30+ jeans and pants, and later complained I had nothing to wear? How selfless was I as I made the small pile for Goodwill? Honestly, not very. You know why? Well, it’s because at the time my thoughts were more focused on the tax benefit than on the person who might benefit from my donation…a person who may be struggling through daily life, yet has the ability to remain as selfless as “N”. Perhaps that person has touched someone’s life as “N” as touched my own.
As much as I want to both thank and help “N”, I cannot. What I can do, though, is try my best to honor her and the gift she has given us. There is a special envelope sitting in the branches of our Christmas tree with her name on it, and a similar one will be there each Christmas from this point forward. She may never know it is there, or what its contents are, but Ilya will. This year there are 3 pieces of paper in that envelope. One is the Goodwill slip, the donation made in her honor and it will NOT appear on my taxes for 2008. The second piece of paper is a donation to Hope Alive, once again made in her honor. The final piece of paper is a letter from one mom to another, from me to her, thanking her, telling her what an amazing son we share, his likes and dislikes, the progress he has made, his habits. It’s an overview of his nearly 7 months home and I so wish she could actually receive this envelope. Oh, I nearly forgot. There is a 4th piece of paper - - a sample of Ilya’s artwork from daycare. So preciouis and sweet, any mom would be proud.
So my closet is nice and tidy now, and a lot less cluttered as is my conscience. I never strived to need 30 hangers for pants alone. However, this has reminded me one of the things I DO strive for, which can be found in James 1:27:
So when Norm’s mom gave me 2 rolling trouser trolleys a few weeks ago, each with the capacity to hold 15 pairs of pants, I was certain that I’d never be able to fill one with just my clothes alone. In fact, I laughed to myself thinking Norm & I could share one of these rollie things and maybe even have a hanger or two left over. Judy’s timing was great though because a few days before, our closet literally self imploded. Seems the genius who built our closet system only nailed it into the drywall – nothing was screwed into the studs. When we realized this, we were actually surprised it held up as well as it did for 3 years. We did our best to fix things but honestly we’ll need to do a better job at it sometime in the (hopefully not near) future. The welcome addition of the new trouser trolleys means less weight on the now questionable closet system. So as I’m cleaning up the mess from the self imploded closet, I start making piles:
- summer clothes that, sadly, can go into a plastic storage bin for a few months
- clothes that can go to Goodwill for whatever reason
- jeans and pants for the trouser trolley thing
And so on. Before I know it, the pile for the trouser trolley is H.U.G.E. Where in the world did I get all these pants and jeans? Why do some still have price tags on them?
Then it hit me…the disproportionate size between the Goodwill pile and the trolley pile. And yet I’ve had the nerve to complain to Norm umpteen times that I supposedly have “nothing to wear.” Not only could I have filled BOTH trolley’s on my own if I wanted to, some of that stuff had never been worn or even had the tags removed.
Feeling somewhat selfish and very embarrassed, I found my thoughts drifting towards “N” – Ilya’s birthmom. I actually think of (and THANK) “N” each day, but I hadn’t allowed myself to consider the enormity of her situation until that moment. There I was, sitting amidst 30+ pairs of jeans/pants, while somewhere in Russia, “N” and her sister are living a daily struggle just to survive. Their concerns don’t lie in what outfit they will wear that day, if their earrings match their sweaters, which boots look best, or if they have enough pairs of pants to fill one or two trouser trolleys. Instead, they are concerned with where and when they will get their next meal, how they will stay warm in the brutal Russian winter, finding a job and perhaps even finding a place to live… They have none of my luxuries but they do have each other and for that I am grateful.
I can’t help but wonder why it is that I am so fortunate. So blessed. So lucky. So privileged. While at the same time, “N” and sadly so many others face such hardships. I have not sacrificed much in my life. Yet, I have been immeasurably blessed by N’s sacrifice. Her amazing, beautiful, loving, funny and intelligent baby boy has been entrusted to us. It is our honor to call him our son, and it is her selfless act that allows us to do so.
How selfless was I as I shopped for those 30+ jeans and pants, and later complained I had nothing to wear? How selfless was I as I made the small pile for Goodwill? Honestly, not very. You know why? Well, it’s because at the time my thoughts were more focused on the tax benefit than on the person who might benefit from my donation…a person who may be struggling through daily life, yet has the ability to remain as selfless as “N”. Perhaps that person has touched someone’s life as “N” as touched my own.
As much as I want to both thank and help “N”, I cannot. What I can do, though, is try my best to honor her and the gift she has given us. There is a special envelope sitting in the branches of our Christmas tree with her name on it, and a similar one will be there each Christmas from this point forward. She may never know it is there, or what its contents are, but Ilya will. This year there are 3 pieces of paper in that envelope. One is the Goodwill slip, the donation made in her honor and it will NOT appear on my taxes for 2008. The second piece of paper is a donation to Hope Alive, once again made in her honor. The final piece of paper is a letter from one mom to another, from me to her, thanking her, telling her what an amazing son we share, his likes and dislikes, the progress he has made, his habits. It’s an overview of his nearly 7 months home and I so wish she could actually receive this envelope. Oh, I nearly forgot. There is a 4th piece of paper - - a sample of Ilya’s artwork from daycare. So preciouis and sweet, any mom would be proud.
So my closet is nice and tidy now, and a lot less cluttered as is my conscience. I never strived to need 30 hangers for pants alone. However, this has reminded me one of the things I DO strive for, which can be found in James 1:27:
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
