Just call me Giada de Laurentiis

I’ll admit that Giada may have a few more points than me in the looks department (remember, my blog = my interpretation of the world no matter how obscure!). However, with my new found “Domestic Divaness” (Norm’s words, not mine) my culinary skills are absolutely, 100% in sync with Giada’s. After reading this, I’m certain you’ll all wholeheartedly agree.

I’m at our grocery store the other day when this frazzled man approaches me & asks for help. He said his wife was preparing a special dinner for them, and that he needed to buy flower to give her. He said he was nervous because he had never made that type of purchase before and had no clue where to start.

I thought it was a little odd that he had never bought flowers for his wife but whatever, I decided to help the poor gent. I told him a good place to start would be with her favorite color. He looked at me kinda weird and said “Huh?” So I asked again what her favorite color was. Very slowly, and a bit hesitantly he replied “Um, red. I think her favorite color is red.”

Great! I had him follow me over to the refrigerated flower section. Once we got there, I noticed he was looking at me kinda weird again. He asked if I was sure we were in the right area, and me in all my wisdom said “Well, yeah! Look at all the flowers here, and there are even some red ones!”

SIDE NOTE: At this point, some of you may have caught on to where this is going.

He kinda chuckled at me, turned a couple shades of red, and he turned his head so he wasn’t looking at me in the eye anymore. Me, not getting the joke right away, asked what I had missed. He said “I’m sorry, we seem to have gotten things a little screwy here. My wife is making porkchops and I need FLOUR so she can fry ‘em up!”

Oopsie. My bad!! So how do I possibly redeem myself now? Well, I didn’t and instead hung my head in embarrassment.

In a classic case of the blind leading the blind, we made our way back to the baking aisle. For what it’s worth, the baking aisle is where he first confronted me with his problem. Nice huh? We find the FLOUR and discover a whole new set of problems. Does he need instant, self rising, semolina (what the heck is that?), organic, gluten, whole wheat?? Now we’re really in trouble. I told him that my best bet would be to purchase the all-purpose FLOUR. After all, the name suggests that no one, myself included, could go wrong with something that claims to be “all purpose.” Right? Although he was very skeptical taking any advice from me at this point, he did put the all purpose stuff in his little basket, thanked me for my time, and walked away still chuckling.

I’ve found myself wondering how the porkchops turned out. Oh, and I have Cooking Channel TV execs beating down my door with offers for my own reality (how not to cook) cooking show! Yay me!