First, let me just thank everyone who left an encouraging comment or sent a supportive email to me privately. This is a pretty big deal, and I’m happy I get to share it with you. If you missed out on Part I, please click here to get caught up. Just to refresh your memory, I ended by announcing:
“…And now an excited sort of panic sets in!! ohmygosh....I'm going to Africa! :-)”
My excitement was short lived, however, and discouragement quickly set in. Doors that, a few weeks earlier, were wide open began to SLAM right in my face. Perplexed and, frankly, irritated, I once again sought out Ondrea’s shoulder (or computer monitor and keyboard! Heehee!). At her suggestion, I began to “lay out the fleeces” (Judges chapter 6). When the fleeces didn’t come back as I expected them to, I tried again, and again, and again until I finally just gave up.
Rather than adopting Ondrea’s viewpoint that perhaps God IS calling me to Africa, just not NOW, I instead allowed the aforementioned feelings of inadequacy to take root. Ondrea mentioned that maybe I had answered God’s call to simply APPLY and be WILLING to go if it was His purpose for me to do so. Maybe God wanted to light this fire inside of me to use at a later date in time. While I pretended that sounded good and outwardly agreed with Ondrea, I silently couldn’t accept that God’s timing is better than my own. Finally, after 6 years, I was ready so…SEND ME why don’t ya!?
Back to Ondrea’s suggestion…. Instead of being prayerful over Ondrea’s suggestion, I convinced myself that I wasn’t “good enough” to be His hands and feet for these orphans…that something was “wrong” with me…that I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) be a blessing in the lives of these kids. I felt as if I had gotten it all wrong and God had no purpose, no calling, for me. What a very low place to be in.
Try as I might, I’ve never been able to see the pictures in stereograms - - 3D images that are hidden within other pictures. Take this for instance. Supposedly there is a dinosaur hidden somewhere in this image. Ummm…okay. Guess I’ll take your word for it but no matter how long I stare, I just do not see it.
I started likening my walk with our Lord as a stereogram…trying so hard but not being able to see what exactly He was calling me to do. I mean, here I was, nearly begging God to let me serve Him (and them) in this manner, yet continually being rejected. Telling God, “Here I am, Lord send me”, and getting a resounding NO each and every time. Those fleeces lay limp and unchanged. My sense of service, compassion, love, fellowship, grace, gratefulness, my desire to pray for this very matter…all fell by the wayside.
So, I sulked. I walked around angry and confused for awhile. I continued to feel discouraged and inadequate. Poor me. Irritated. Doubtful. Tired of trying to figure things out. Ever felt that way?
Guess what I just realized I failed to do? Never did I ask myself how many times God had beckoned me down this path, only to be met with my response of shoving it aside, ignoring His calls, putting myself, my fears, my comforts above that which He needed and wanted me to do. So what right did I have to now be angry for wanting this so badly, but feeling as if it had all been taken away? Shouldn’t I have felt blessed that God instilled this passion for orphans inside of me, and was now RENEWING THAT PASSION? Yeah, I used all caps to shout at myself here because that was the title of the sermon that so captured my heart and soul back on April 26. Funny how God works sometimes, isn’t it?
Three weeks ago, I had another opportunity to help children in Africa. This service didn’t require me to go to Sierra Leone for 2 weeks. This time it was at my church for 2 hours assembling 100 birthing kits that would go with the mission team in November. Yeah, the team I was/am hoping to be a part of. Although I was happy to help, I’ll admit that at first assembling kits seemed a far cry from ministering to the children at the Children’s Rescue Center. But as I sat at my table, folding garbage bags into small 3x2 squares, and watching the women around me accomplishing their various tasks, I thought about just how amazing those 2 hours actually were. My 2 hours of service could essentially help save 200 lives – 100 moms and 100 babies. 200 lives! Why? Because a small group of American women, Christian sisters, gathered together in God’s house, lovingly folding Hefty bags, cutting strong, assembling boxes, counting soap, separating razor blades, and praying over each box we assembled.
Did you know that every year, infection and other complications claim the lives of approximately 250,000 African women in, during or immediately after childbirth? How ‘bout the fact that 3 out of 4 African women never make it to the hospital to give birth and instead deliver their precious babies on dirty, dust covered roads using sawgrass to cut the umbilical cord?
Those trash bags I folded - - they can be used to place between mom & the earth, and baby and the earth, to help prevent those infections. Those razor blades we sorted and that string we cut - - all can be used to cut the umbilical cord rather than the pieces of sawgrass. Each item we placed in the kits had a specific purpose, a special role to play in saving the lives of the 100 moms and 100 babies who will receive them.
I find myself reflecting on the time I spent assembling these kits. Was it glamorous, exotic, adventurous? No. (Not that I expected Africa to be glamorous!) But was it serving as God’s hands and feet as I so desire to do? Was it compassionate, full of love, fellowship, grace and prayers? Oh my goodness YES! Did I answer God’s call to serve these women and children, and was it fulfilling to do so? Yes.
Just as each item in the birthing kit has a purpose, so do you & I as Christians. We all have unique spiritual gifts which we should use to glorify God’s name and to be a blessing to others. God has a purpose for each person reading this post, as well as the billions who will never see it. My question to you is whether you’re listening for God’s voice to reveal that purpose to you, or if you’re turning a deaf ear to it as I did for so long?
We are not all called to serve IN Africa, and I’m sure some of you are sitting there praising God for that! LOL! I bet though, that in some manner we can all serve FOR Africa or any other impoverished country, community, family or person that needs our help.
As for me and my trip to Sierra Leone? How ‘bout you join me again for Part III...
“…And now an excited sort of panic sets in!! ohmygosh....I'm going to Africa! :-)”
My excitement was short lived, however, and discouragement quickly set in. Doors that, a few weeks earlier, were wide open began to SLAM right in my face. Perplexed and, frankly, irritated, I once again sought out Ondrea’s shoulder (or computer monitor and keyboard! Heehee!). At her suggestion, I began to “lay out the fleeces” (Judges chapter 6). When the fleeces didn’t come back as I expected them to, I tried again, and again, and again until I finally just gave up.
Rather than adopting Ondrea’s viewpoint that perhaps God IS calling me to Africa, just not NOW, I instead allowed the aforementioned feelings of inadequacy to take root. Ondrea mentioned that maybe I had answered God’s call to simply APPLY and be WILLING to go if it was His purpose for me to do so. Maybe God wanted to light this fire inside of me to use at a later date in time. While I pretended that sounded good and outwardly agreed with Ondrea, I silently couldn’t accept that God’s timing is better than my own. Finally, after 6 years, I was ready so…SEND ME why don’t ya!?
Back to Ondrea’s suggestion…. Instead of being prayerful over Ondrea’s suggestion, I convinced myself that I wasn’t “good enough” to be His hands and feet for these orphans…that something was “wrong” with me…that I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) be a blessing in the lives of these kids. I felt as if I had gotten it all wrong and God had no purpose, no calling, for me. What a very low place to be in.
Try as I might, I’ve never been able to see the pictures in stereograms - - 3D images that are hidden within other pictures. Take this for instance. Supposedly there is a dinosaur hidden somewhere in this image. Ummm…okay. Guess I’ll take your word for it but no matter how long I stare, I just do not see it.
I started likening my walk with our Lord as a stereogram…trying so hard but not being able to see what exactly He was calling me to do. I mean, here I was, nearly begging God to let me serve Him (and them) in this manner, yet continually being rejected. Telling God, “Here I am, Lord send me”, and getting a resounding NO each and every time. Those fleeces lay limp and unchanged. My sense of service, compassion, love, fellowship, grace, gratefulness, my desire to pray for this very matter…all fell by the wayside.
So, I sulked. I walked around angry and confused for awhile. I continued to feel discouraged and inadequate. Poor me. Irritated. Doubtful. Tired of trying to figure things out. Ever felt that way?
Guess what I just realized I failed to do? Never did I ask myself how many times God had beckoned me down this path, only to be met with my response of shoving it aside, ignoring His calls, putting myself, my fears, my comforts above that which He needed and wanted me to do. So what right did I have to now be angry for wanting this so badly, but feeling as if it had all been taken away? Shouldn’t I have felt blessed that God instilled this passion for orphans inside of me, and was now RENEWING THAT PASSION? Yeah, I used all caps to shout at myself here because that was the title of the sermon that so captured my heart and soul back on April 26. Funny how God works sometimes, isn’t it?
Three weeks ago, I had another opportunity to help children in Africa. This service didn’t require me to go to Sierra Leone for 2 weeks. This time it was at my church for 2 hours assembling 100 birthing kits that would go with the mission team in November. Yeah, the team I was/am hoping to be a part of. Although I was happy to help, I’ll admit that at first assembling kits seemed a far cry from ministering to the children at the Children’s Rescue Center. But as I sat at my table, folding garbage bags into small 3x2 squares, and watching the women around me accomplishing their various tasks, I thought about just how amazing those 2 hours actually were. My 2 hours of service could essentially help save 200 lives – 100 moms and 100 babies. 200 lives! Why? Because a small group of American women, Christian sisters, gathered together in God’s house, lovingly folding Hefty bags, cutting strong, assembling boxes, counting soap, separating razor blades, and praying over each box we assembled.
Did you know that every year, infection and other complications claim the lives of approximately 250,000 African women in, during or immediately after childbirth? How ‘bout the fact that 3 out of 4 African women never make it to the hospital to give birth and instead deliver their precious babies on dirty, dust covered roads using sawgrass to cut the umbilical cord?
Those trash bags I folded - - they can be used to place between mom & the earth, and baby and the earth, to help prevent those infections. Those razor blades we sorted and that string we cut - - all can be used to cut the umbilical cord rather than the pieces of sawgrass. Each item we placed in the kits had a specific purpose, a special role to play in saving the lives of the 100 moms and 100 babies who will receive them.
I find myself reflecting on the time I spent assembling these kits. Was it glamorous, exotic, adventurous? No. (Not that I expected Africa to be glamorous!) But was it serving as God’s hands and feet as I so desire to do? Was it compassionate, full of love, fellowship, grace and prayers? Oh my goodness YES! Did I answer God’s call to serve these women and children, and was it fulfilling to do so? Yes.
Just as each item in the birthing kit has a purpose, so do you & I as Christians. We all have unique spiritual gifts which we should use to glorify God’s name and to be a blessing to others. God has a purpose for each person reading this post, as well as the billions who will never see it. My question to you is whether you’re listening for God’s voice to reveal that purpose to you, or if you’re turning a deaf ear to it as I did for so long?
We are not all called to serve IN Africa, and I’m sure some of you are sitting there praising God for that! LOL! I bet though, that in some manner we can all serve FOR Africa or any other impoverished country, community, family or person that needs our help.
As for me and my trip to Sierra Leone? How ‘bout you join me again for Part III...
5 comments:
Great post! I'm ready for Part III so get typing! ;-)
You have me in tears! I have been feeling the call of the Lord to serve orphans, but God has never revealed the perfect timing for me to do so. I know He will reveal it when the time is right and I will be willing to serve. Serving the Lord packing boxes is just as mighty as serving IN the field. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Tara Smathers
I second Becky - ready for Part III and I think those birthing kits are wonderful and will do great service. Great Job Karyn!
Okay girl, you have been silent since you came to the most unlikely of places for prayer... thinking back, I think you just asked me to pray, not give you all that ADVICE! Sorry! Anyway, you hit some soft spots with that post... what am I missing here? I think I'm looking at a stereogram too.... don't buy satan's junk, you know he's a jerk!
Hi Karyn,
That is so wonderful that you did that! What an amazing cause.
Great job! I have not checked in in a while and I can't believe how big your little one got- So cute!
Have a wonerful summer,
Teresa
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