We had our 2nd PPR (post placement report) this past Sunday. Where has time gone? I just cannot believe Ilya has been home nearly a year now. Norm was in Chicago, so I flew solo on this PPR. It went well, but there was a tense moment where the Mama Bear in me came out & I felt the need to protect/defend my little Cubby.
Let me preface this by saying I was coming off of an emotional and exhausting week with:
- my grandfather's passing and my impromptu trip to Florida
- the fact that Norm was in Chicago & I missed him terribly since he wasn't able to go to the funeral with me
- I had a ton of work (personal & professional) to catch up on
- Ilya's back molars are coming in
- a 5ft black snake tried to sneak through my door when we left for church (I'll leave my reaction to your imagination)
- I sat through one of the most emotional sermons ever that morning (more on that in a separate post)
- my dogs & cats were I.N.S.A.N.E. that day
- as I was waiting for the social worker to show up, the cats decided to attack each other and the end result looked like a 3rd cat had imploded in the middle of my living room
- then they puked massive hairballs on our very expensive area rug
- Ilya decided he didn't like the pictures I printed out to include with the PPR, so he promptly shredded each one & I had to scramble to reprint & relabel all of them
- the social worker was an hour late showing up (didn't bother to call either!) which meant that Cubby’s lunch & nap was an hour over due (and did I mention his molars are coming in and he is cranky)
So anyway, I wasn't in the best of moods. When she finally got there, I told her that since we were running behind, I needed to feed Ilya and get him to sleep asap, and that I hoped she didn't mind if I gave him his lunch as we talked about the PPR. She agreed and started asking me the standard questions: How is he adjusting? Do we have any concerns? How is his language? His development? His attachment? His eating & sleeping? Etc. The she asked me for his height & weight from his 2 year old physical. And that's when things went south.
Here's another confession...I have had moments where I have been extremely discouraged, and have even blamed myself, for Ilya's slow physical growth since he's been home. I read other blogs of parents who brought their kids home around the same time that we did, and most of those children have nearly doubled in size since finally receiving proper nutrition and love. Okay, maybe they haven't DOUBLED, but their physical growth has been significant.
Much to my dismay, Ilya isn't in this category. He's still a little peanut...absolutely adorable, but a little peanut. He has huge feet & hands but the rest of him is itty bitty. We are finally starting to put him in 18 month clothes, and he is 25 months old now. He is in the "normal" range in regards to height & weight, but he is at the low end of normal. I still sometimes question if we are doing something "wrong" with the food he eats, and if we need to change his diet.
God love his doctor who reassures me each & every time we talk about this that Ilya is fine and that he is growing at a rate that is consistent and good for him. She wipes away my tears (literally), gives me a huge hug, pats my back and reassures me that this is not my "fault."
Back to the social worker. She asked for his height & weight and I think I may have visibly cringed. I was embarrassed to tell her for fear that she would have the exact opposite reaction of Cubby’s pediatrician. I just knew she was going to chastise me and tell me I'm a horrible mom since my son hadn't gained 10-12 pounds or grown 5" or more. And oh, what would the Russian officials at MOE think of us as parents??!!! Seriously, that was/is a concern.
When he came home last May, Cubby was 18 lbs and 28". At his 18 month physical, he was 20 lbs & 31". When I told her that he is now 22 lbs and 32.5", her exact words were
"Oh...wow. He hasn't grown at all, has he?" And... I lost it.
Every insecurity, every doubt, every emotion from the past week AND the past year surfaced. Just call me Drama Mama.
Oh, he hasn't grown? Well, I totally disagree.
His capacity to love and BE LOVED has grown immensely. He has gone from a scared little boy who would stiff arm us when we tried to hug him, to a confident little boy who constantly runs around asking to be hugged and to give hugs. He used to snap his head the other way when we tried to kiss his cheek and now, kisses MUST be received and given every 5 seconds. On the mouth with little pucker sounds.
When once he seemed not to recognize his name (which, by the way was given to him at birth, we did not change it), now he runs full speed ahead anytime mommy or daddy calls him.
Last May he could barely walk 2 steps on his own. Now he is climbing up: stairs (supervised of course), his changing table, little plastic rock wall, our fence, and every piece of furniture we have. He gets in & out of the tub on his own. He hangs off our kitchen counters.
Getting him to drink anything a year ago was a maddening, frustrating, challenge. Now he drinks from a normal plastic up at meals, not a sippy cup, and always asks for more.
His vocabulary has exploded recently and we have conversations that I’ll treasure forever. He repeats everything we say, and understands everything we tell him or ask him to do.
He came home wearing a size 3 shoe. Now he’s up to a 5, and soon we’ll be in a 6.
He used to suffer from horrible night terrors, and now he sleeps 12 hrs. straight through.
He’s almost at the point where he can hurl himself out of his crib, and the rails for his big boy bed will be installed any day now.
When he first came home, he could walk under Bandit (our largest, 135lb. “puppy”) and neither of them realized what was going on. Not so anymore. The clearance that once was there is now gone forever.
He loves to help clean, cook, work on the yard, throw things away. Whatever it is we do, he wants to be involved in and he wants to help.
He has decided to start potty training & is doing great. We've graduated from diapers to pull ups, and so far we're not looking back!
He used to turn his head and refuse to look at us in the eye when we were rocking him to sleep. To be honest, we were thrilled he even let us rock him. Now, he wants to hold our hand with his right one, he puts his left index finger in our mouth, and stares at us until his eyes finally close.
Taken in Moscow, May 27, 2009 - his first night with us.
March & April 2009:
So please, don't look at a set of numbers and conclude that my son “hasn’t grown at all” in the past year because you are wrong. He has grown from a scared, uncertain little boy who seemed to not believe he was worthy of being loved, to one who is literally bursting at the seams with confidence, joy, enthusiasm, strength, and most importantly love. While I agree he may be small in stature, he is actually larger than life!!!
Get it? Poppy the Pop Up Trailer?! :-)
Me & Cubby enjoying 1 of 2 king beds:
This one is Bailey & Bandit's future bed
Anyone wanna guess what 2 areas I'm banished from?
Anyone wanna guess what 2 areas I'm banished from?
Cubby wiped out from a day of shopping! 
Cubby wiped out from a day of shopping! 
