Remember the movie Ground Hog Day? What I’d give for these past few days to be “ground hog days” for our family. I would love to wake up in tomorrow morning and have yesterday and today repeat themselves again, and again, and again. And again! Not that anything particularly great happened, other than Norm surprising me & Ilya with a trip to the park when we both thought we were going on a boring Gerber juice run to Walmart. Yeah, we’re rebels! :-)
Alas…all good things must come to an end, and I continue to have difficulty wrapping my head around this. What I’m having trouble dealing with is the fact that my precious little boy started daycare last week, partial days only, and tomorrow he goes all day for the first time. And I go back to the office full time. And as much as I enjoy working, I can’t bare the thought of essentially spending only 4-5 hours a day with my son. What’s worse is that HE will only be spending 4-5 waking hours a day at home. Home…isn’t that what he waited for his first 14 months of life? How many firsts are we going to miss out on? How many hugs, kisses, laughs will be enjoyed by his teachers instead of one of us?
I lost count of the tears I’ve shed this past week over this, and have prayed daily for even a small iota of peace about placing him in daycare, but to date I haven’t receive any peace whatsoever. Instead, my anxiety level increases each day. You see, daycare wasn’t in our initial plans for Ilya but things have changed and now it is our only option. I thought immersing him in partial days would help both me & Ilya adjust before having him stay all day. He isn’t terribly thrilled at being in daycare but so far he’s dealing with it much better than I am. I’m terrified he thinks he’s back in an orphanage setting because that’s exactly what it feels like to me. Multiple caregivers, multiple kids, no mommy or daddy. Ugh…I hate it!
Enough of that negativity. Now for the positive. As much as I really don’t want to admit it, (because honestly I want to whine a little more) and to credit the daycare staff, we have seen some improvement development wise since Ilya started daycare:
(1) He is now using his sippy cup and drinking more than ever. In the 2+ months that Ilya has been home, it has been very frustrating to get the boy to drink anything from a bottle, sippy cup, straw, whatever. Short of resorting to water torture, we were at a loss as to how to get him to drink. Now he begs for his sippy cup and is even tolerating soy milk, when before he wouldn’t touch soy or “real milk” with a 10 foot pole! The daycare only serves milk, but of course they won’t let the kids get dehydrated so they’ll give water when needed.
(2) I swear he said “hi” this morning and “cat” yesterday. He has also been saying “mommom” when he sees me and “dada” when he sees Norm. We’re not sure if these two are baby babble or if he really is associating the names with us. But the “mommom” and “dada” has definitely increased since being in daycare.
(3) He has a girlfriend. A sweet blonde haired, blue eyed beauty named Victoria. Notice I left out “a little” sweet blonde haired…. She’s an Amazon woman compared to Ilya. In fact, all of the kids are gynormous when Ilya stands next to them. I knew he was tiny but my goodness!!
(4) He has an individualized lesson plan to help him excel in all things pertinent to the world of a 16 month old.
(5) Most importantly, at least I now have a son to worry about placing in daycare. A year ago I never thought I would have to worry about daycare. A year ago, I didn’t have a son to love and cherish.
So anyway, I’m hoping tomorrow goes well for both me & Ilya. Another reason I’m stressing is because I’m flying solo this week with Ilya’s transition to all day daycare. Norm left for Florida today. I’ve said once too many times on this blog how I don’t deal well with Norm being out of town so I won’t bore you with that again. When the days get tough this week, I’ll just have to remember this post by Ondrea and allow myself to laugh a bit! (turn on your volume if you follow that link). There is no doubt in my mind that Ilya & I will be riding the Crazy Train this week, and especially tomorrow! Please keep Norm in your prayers for a successful business trip and safe journey home later this week.
The picture below was taken after Ilya came home from his first ½ day of daycare. He doesn’t look too traumatized, does he?
8 comments:
Hi Karyn-I'll say some prayers for you tomorrow. It is so hard to make the transition. The night before we started a week of partial days for S, I cried sooo hard! I did the same when we dropped him off and then had Michael take him the rest of the days that week because I couldn't handle it. Although it is still very hard and definitely not my first choice, it has gotten a little easier. It really had, too, and God has helped me see positive things just like you have done. I hope and will pray that tomorrow and this week goes well for you and for Ilya! Thanks for sharing your feelings--it helps to know we're not alone in this!
Oh, Karyn, I can imagine how hard that must be for you! I had to put my oldest in full-day daycare when she was 12-18 months old and I remember thinking she was too little to be at daycare. But she loved it there and she learned so many great things like social skills and how to clean up toys! I was the one who was a wreck about going back to work and leaving her there. What I found is that you may not have all day together, but you value the time you have together more. Since they get a lot of the learning at daycare, you get to be the fun parent and spend less of your time with them trying to teach them things that aren't as fun, like how to eat with others at a table, or how to share. When you come home to them you're refreshed from having some time away, and you can see your love for them even stronger.
Good luck on the transition. I know it is not easy. You feel very guilt but it does get better. I know I finally felt good about Kaden being in daycare once I picked him up and he smiled at me. Also when he comes home at nights he is still the same child. You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers this week!
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with placing him in daycare. I understand what you're talking about bringing him home and not wanting to put him in daycare. I'm frantically trying to find some things to do at home to help supplement our income because we don't want to place the baby in daycare either. I'll be praying for your transition.
Glad you're able to see some positives in the situation.
You are definitely feeling what we all feel (and I know my turn is next!). It's so when you've spent so long trying to get this little guy and then you feel like you're time with him has gone by so quickly. Your positives are a great thing and like it was mentioned before - the time you will have together will be quality time. You are such a great mom to care so much. Ilya is one lucky little guy! Call if you want to chat!
I went through the same thing the first month Liam was in daycare back in March and then I realized how happy he was each day to have all the kids to play with and saw the developmental growth it gave him. He moved up to a new class last week and I went through it all over again worrying about his new teachers. I think the parents have a tougher time than the kids do.
Hugs to you. It's tough. Fortunately I didn't have to put my girls in daycare but three months after they came home my oldest started preK and my little one went to preschool 2.5 hours per week. Big sister LOVED the interaction with the other kids and seemed to understand it was "school." Little sister was sad, withdrawn, and just not diggin' it so I pulled her out after a few weeks. I think it was traumatic for her -- all the small tables and chairs, many children, a few caregivers, etc. She just didn't understand.
I hope all goes well for you guys and that Ilya learns to adjust and thrive before long in his new environment. Hoping Mama does the same. :)
The bad news is, sending him to daycare each day never gets easier. We too never planned to put Bryson in daycare, but shortly before I returned back to work on 4/30, we realized that was our only option. Each day will get better for Ilya. Glad to hear he is learning new things there.
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