1 hr. and $350 later, it's confirmed...

Ilya is a super cute, super happy, super funny, super active, super eater, super cuddly, super super little boy!

So if we already know this & most of you did too, why'd we waste an hour of our time and $350?? We had our 1st PPR today! Can you believe it? Where has time gone??

For those of you not in the "adoption know", PPR stands for Post Placement Report and Russia requires four. They are due when the child has been home for 6 months, 1 year, 2 years and 3 years. Granted, Ilya hasn't been home 6 months just yet, but our Social Worker needs time to write the report and get it to our agency, CSS. The CSS office in North Carolina needs time to notarize and apostille it, and get it to the staff in Moscow. The Moscow folks need time to translate it, and I imagine they'll also have to take it to each of the 1 million(+) notaries in Moscow at least 4 times each, and then get it to the right authorities by November 27, which will be the 6 month anniverary of Ilya leaving the Vidnoye Orphanage. Huh...I just realized that's the day before my dad's birthday. Happy early birthday Daddy!

So, if you've been following our blog for awhile, you may recall we had some pretty major issues with our first social worker (the one who did our homestudy). Perhaps you were unlucky enough to get a double dose of my negativity if you also read some of my tyrants about that social worker on the CSS Yahoo Group. My apologies to my CSS friends again!

Anyhoo, we had a major blowout with the previous social worker days before we left for our 2nd trip to Moscow and we knew we did NOT want her doing our PPRs. When we got home, we fired her and hired a new one and what a world of difference! The one who visited us today was extremely nice, didn't yell at us, didn't tell Norm he's insensitive, she didn't hiss when she said words with the letter "s" in them, she didn't belittle us, nothing at all like the old one! In fact, she was very encouraging, supportive and commented a lot on how we were doing things right for Ilya. Yay! Ilya was in a GREAT mood during her visit and she was so impressed with his personality, adjustement, appetite, development, sense of humor, everything! Good job Cubby!
The only awkward moment for me during the PPR was when she asked about Ilya's birthmother. I wanted to make sure I represented "N" with the amount of dignity and respect she deserves. I didn't want to say anything that would make her think that "N" is a bad person or selfish or anything of the sort. I don't think she did think that, but I felt defensive almost when I was explaining what we know about "N". I felt like I was talking about a friend or family member and I wanted to protect her.

Ilya also had a surprise visit today from his Gramps (Norm's dad). We had a great visit with Gramps, but it wasn't long enough.

As for yesterday, our day started with making Mickey Mouse pancakes for Ilya, followed by a dangerous trip to Target, some outside playtime, and ended with a trip to Bangkok Cafe for Ilya's first Thai dinner. Don't worry, it wasn't spicy and he loved it! We had a great day as a family and look forward to many more.

Unfortunately, though, our weekend wasn't all fun, games and happiness. We received news last night of a terrible accident involving my brother-in-law. He remains unconscience and in ICU with multiple injuries, the most concerning being a brain injury. I am very worried about him, my sister and their kids. They'll be in our prayers in the coming days, weeks and perhaps months. This accident has reminded me how short and unpredictable life is, and how we must never take for granted all of the blessings we've each been given.

Blessed!

7 Months ago - March 17 '08 - we walked in to MOE and saw our son for the very first time. Sure, it was only a picture (and an old one at that) but the moment I saw this precious little face, I knew...

Before showing us the photo, the MOE representative began reading his social & medical to us. She was reading all of this from a piece of paper in her hands, and "S" from our agency was translating everything. At first I tried to maintain eye contact with the MOE rep. so that she knew I was really listening and interested in what she was telling us. It didn't take long to notice, however, that the sun was shining through the window very brightly making that paper transparent. I could see a backwards reflection of the little boy who would become my son. I got chills and as important as the info was that she was telling us, what I really wanted was to see his photo. When she finally handed it to us, that photo was black & white and very grainy but it didn't matter. That was my son! My little boy!

After telling the MOE representative that yes, we would in fact like to meet this child we crammed ourselves back into the world's tiniest elevator and then into our driver's car. We made our way to the little town about 45 minutes from the center of Moscow. Our driver & translator pointed out this road sign, and told us we had reached the Vidnoye Orphanage (the sign does read "Vidnoye").

The following photos are just a recap of our first meeting. If you've been following our blog for awhile, you've already seen these. If you're a pretty recent reader, Ilya met mommy first:

Then met his daddy:

And ended his day safe & sound in Daddy's arms:

What's so amazing to me about this anniversary - meeting our son 7 months ago today - is that our entire adoption timeframe is the same. We were officially accepted by CSS on October 23, 2007 and Ilya came home on May 31, 2008. A total of 7 months and a few days. Wow!

Unfortunately there are families who started their Russian adoption journeys long before we did, and are still waiting for their referrals, travel dates and/or court dates. I follow the blogs of some of these families and know others through FRUA. I feel for their frustrations and disappointments and I pray for them and their future children each day. I encourage all of you to do the same!

The only "bad" thing about today being October 17 is that I'm now 5 months closer to my next birthday. Phooey!! :-) No birthday celebration will ever come close to the way I spent this year's, so I say they just stop happening and I stay my current 30-something forever!

October 15, 2008

Wave of Light (In God’s Hands)

Tonight we light our candles to remember our smallest babes.
They left us much too soon…how we wish they could have stayed.
We carry them in our hearts; we had hopes and dreams and plans.
We love them still today, as they rest peacefully in God’s hands.

Our arms still long to hold them, we long to hear their coo's.
We long to have the chance to just do what parents do.
We long to see the day that little one first stands,
But we do find comfort, as they rest peacefully in God’s hands.

We had to say goodbye, some of us never said hello.
Our babes went up to Heaven, while we stay here below.
If you believe the Scripture, you know that God has plans -
Soon we’ll reunite, and rest peacefully in God’s hands.

So, tonight we light our candles to remember our smallest babes
We miss them, love them, want them…how we wish they could have stayed.
They were taken before we wanted, for reasons we don’t understand
But their waves of light shine brightly, and they rest peacefully in God’s hands.

Written by Karyn Croteau, Mommy to:
Ilya – our beautiful son through the blessing and miracle of adoption 2008
Matthew (joined our Heavenly Father 2006)
Little One (joined our Heavenly Father 2001)

Tonight we prayed and let candles for:
Our Matthew Lawrence and Little One
Katie Rose Thelin
Ryan Victor DiGiosia Holt
Jonathan Petri
Liam
Gavin
Audrey Caroline
Gregory Luke
Isaac Timothy
CS Shaw
As well as all who sent me emails but wishes to remain anonymous - your babies are precious and loved - and those who commented about their loss on Angie's blog (1422 as of 7:45pm 10/15/08).

If you're just now reading this and would like us to pray for your (or a friend's) Littlest Angel, please do not hesitate to let me know. If you're struggling with a recent (or not so recent) loss and need a shoulder, know that mine is always available. Email me anytime!

Katie Rose Thelin and her loving parents:

Ryan Victor DiGiosia Holt:

You're Bootiful!

Did you notice? I did a slight make over. What do you think? I like it but can't figure out how to make the header centered in the frame. Soooo...if you have any suggestions please let me know!

Footprints (and a special invitation)

“There is no footprint too small

that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.”

My Dearest Matthew,

It’s difficult to know I have carried you in my heart since 2006, yet my arms have never held you close. My eyes have never seen your precious face; my lips have never laid a gentle kiss on yours. I have never heard your baby babble or felt your warm little body against my own, but I did feel you as you grew inside me. I will always treasure that memory.

It’s difficult for others to understand how much I love you, today and always. It’s rare to find someone who does understand our loss, and honestly, that is how it should be. For someone to understand, it means they would have had to suffer the same sadness and grief that I did/am, and I would wish that on no one.

Matthew, I know I tell you this all the time but I still feel guilty that my body was not able to sustain you. I still feel guilty for making the choice the doctor’s told me I had to make that fateful day in the hospital. They told me my life could be in jeopardy, but all I could focus on was your life. When I said that to them, they told me your life was essentially already gone. Your life hadn’t truly begun, and yet was being taken from us both. Matthew, I am so sorry. So, so sorry. My only peace is knowing that you are in the safest and most loving hands you could be in – God’s.

It still hurts Matthew, especially today. I often feel like October 10th is the only link I have left to you, as it was my projected due date. I have no photos, no videos – just the date October 10th. It has become a date I both dread and want to memorialize. I dread it for the obvious reason, and I want to memorialize it because I am so proud of you. You see, you already reached a goal that I continue to strive to achieve and be worthy of. That goal is being with our Heavenly Father, accepted into His kingdom. The very first time you opened your eyes your site was of Him, and far too often I let my “humanness” be the cause/excuse of losing site of Him.

I am honored to keep your memory alive by sharing your story and our short journey together. Did you know that there is actually hope for others in our loss?? I have been given opportunities to offer empathy and encouragement to those facing similar tragedies, and sometimes to introduce them to the loving arms of Jesus. These parents and their loved ones need to know that it’s okay to love, grieve, remember, hope, and yes even question “why”. They need to know that it’s also okay to live and laugh again. Doing so will in no way diminish their love of their own children who were taken from them too son. They need to know and understand this.

I would also like these parents to know that as painful as it is to lose a child and/or hear that having biological children may not be possible for them, their dreams of parenthood may still be achieved through the blessing of adoption. That is where God led us, and you became a big brother on May 15, 2008. Your little brother is amazing and beautiful and funny and loving, and as much our son as you are.

Happy birthday, my sweet boy! I wish we could celebrate together but I have to trust and know that one day we will be united again.

I’ll always love you!
Love, Mommy

A Special Invitation to our Readers: Wednesday, October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Help keep the memories of Matthew and so many other children alive by participating in the Wave of Light. Simply light a candle at 7pm and keep it burning for at least one hour. For more information, please visit http://www.october15th.com/:

What's a girl to do when boredom sets in?

Blog of course!! :-)

So I started going through photos from both trips to Russia, which I meant to share and realized I never did. It was a nice little trip down memory lane.

Trip 1, Apartment 1 - The Double Decker (through Peace Apartments)

First thing we noticed when we walked in was the massive insect infestation! These ladybug stickers were EVERYWHERE! It seemed like there were thousands of these things in the strangest places.

Susan also stayed in this apartment and mentioned the ladybugs on her blog awhile back. She'll probably agree with me that this was by far the most eclectic apartment in all of Moscow. Very, shall we say interesting, decor!

These stairs led to a small loft containing only a mattress:

Once you reached the top of the stairs, you just kinda crawled onto the mattress. There was nowhere to walk in the loft. I actually loved the mattress, but the spiral stairs left A LOT to be desired!

View from the top of the stairs. Scary stuff!!

View from the loft into the living room, adorned with a very lovely zebra/cheetah throw!

Trip 1, Apartment 2 - The Loft Studio a.k.a. the Austin Powers Apt

(also through Peace)

This calendar was in the kitchen (that you may remember had no stinking OVEN!!) If you click on the photo to enlarge it, you'll see that the months & days are in Russian but there is some English on there as well. Anyhoo...I'm not an ad exec., but I'm really thinking this line of PR wouldn't work for a pizza shop in America!

If the mouse is an example of their toppings, I think I'll just take plain cheese! I mean, he's cute and all but I'd prefer not to have Stuart Little on my pizza...

A few photos from Ilya's orphanage

This is a large crib/play pin thing that they put all the kids from a group in to play. During trip 1, most of our interactions with Ilya were in this play pin.

We weren't allowed to sit him on the floor to play, and he wasn't quite walking yet, so we played with him as best we could. Before putting him in the play pin, a worker would come in & scrub it down with a coarse brush and some type of cleaning solution. We'd then have to wait for it to dry. The toys in the photo are a few that we brought with us. The orphanage did not have toys in the room because it was being renovated.

Toy organizer - in the same room as the play pin above:

Exercise area - but Ilya wasn't allowed to go in it since it was "dirty". This was in the same room as the play pin & toy organizer.

Photos from Ilya's Nursery

Closet where clothes, blankets, sheets, etc., were kept. There were 8 kids in Ilya's group, and this closet stored everything those children shared:

The cribs weren't normally grouped like this, but the room was under renovation so they were just randomly placed this particular day:

Ilya's Crib:

I was pleasantly surprised to see how nice & modern the cribs & other furniture were. I have seen photos of cribs in other orphanages that are just plain scary & sad...left over metal contraptions from the early 1900's or something. As "nice" as the orphanage's nursery was, I am so, so grateful Ilya has his own room, pillow, blanket, sheets, closet, clothes, shoes, toys and FAMILY!

I miss my boys...it's going to be a long couple of days.

There are more photos to share, but I'll wait for the next post. Enjoy the rest of your evening!

Kar

Twilight Zone/Great Minds/Inquiring Minds/Travel

Okay, how weird is this - -

• Norm & I spend 3 weeks in Moscow with Dana & Aaron;
• Our court dates, Gotcha dates and the day we flew home with our son's are all the same;
• Recent blog evidence indicates our boys have the same set of jammies; AND (insert drumroll...)
• We both posted pictures of the boys in their dino jammies on the same day!

Check it out! http://cravensadoptionstory.blogspot.com/2008/10/surgery-update.html. I just think this is so funny! Thanks, Adoptamama for following my & Dana's blogs closely enough to let us know we're dressing our boys in identical outfits. And no, it wasn't planned!

Also, inquiring minds want to know how bedtime went. Let's just say it was very entertaining for all of us! Ilya did end up falling asleep and was just as cute passed out as he was when he was ready to party all night! He even woke up in a great mood and had a very good day in daycare. Tonight he fell asleep at 7:15, which is much closer to his normal bedtime. He's so precious lying here beside me.

Norm & Ilya are heading back up to New England tomorrow and coming home on Sunday. Please keep them in your prayers for safe travels. Unfortunately I won't be joining them on this trip, so please pray for my peace of mind while they are gone. I'm going to miss both my boys terribly. And I'm going to be bored - VERY BORED - which means you might be victims of rambling blog entries all weekend!

Toodles, Kar