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Prayers for our Children
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Warning: Cuteness Alert!
This Little Cutie is 9 months old (Ilya will be 15 months next Saturday). She is our friend's granddaughter. Kinda funny if you think about where life takes each of us...our friends, K&C, are just a few years older than Norm, and their granddaughter and our son are playing together! How precious are they??!!
They had a super cute moment that should have been captured on a camcorder. Ilya is able to stand & walk on his own, and Little Cutie here is still finding her land legs. At one point, Ilya was standing over her and she tried to stand but tumbled. Like the true gentleman we hope he becomes, Ilya reached his hand out to her to help her stand up. It was a true "AWWW" moment and K & I both had tears in our eyes. So sweet! I don't know if Ilya intended to help her up, but I'd like to think he did!
More pictures to follow tomorrow - I promise!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Clarification, Apologies & Gratitude
*Disclaimer – this is a bit lengthy but important. If you don’t have time to read it all now, please make the effort at some point to read it in its entirety. Thanks!!*
I often forget that not everyone reading our blog is familiar with the unique challenges adoptive parents of institutionalized children face. When Norm & I were in the homestudy phase of our adoption journey, we needed to complete Hague Training, which includes specific courses to help prepare adoptive parents as much as possible for these potential trials. The topics we studied included – but certainly were not limited to - medical issues often seen in international adoption, the psychological impact these children face when leaving the only home they may have ever known, and social issues of the country we decided to adopt from (i.e., the prevalence of smoking & drinking during pregnancy in many Eastern European countries), just to name a few.
Perhaps the most detailed subject we tackled was - and realistically may be for awhile - bonding and attachment. Bonding is best described as trust, and attachment as affection. I will NEVER profess myself to be a bonding/attachment expert but I will say this…I took this part of our Hague Training very seriously. Extremely seriously. And I continue to research the topic for one reason – to try to do right by my son. He deserves no less. Let me explain…
Most infants between 2-6 months old start bonding & attaching with their parents through daily interactions with them. Their parents greet them with smiles, make prolonged eye contact, hold and cuddle them, rock them to sleep, take care of their daily needs, and make happy noises to/with them. Their cries are answered, their bellies are full. They are made to feel safe, loved and valued. The child is able to study and memorize their parents’ facial features, since that is the face they see filled with love each morning they wake up, and each night before they fall asleep. It is the same face that feeds and clothes them, changes their dirty diapers, and bathes them.
Would you like to know how my son spent his first 6 months of life? Lying in a hospital crib alone, continuously being poked, prodded and studied by numerous doctors and nurses trying to find resolution to some potentially significant medical concerns. To them, he was an orphaned patient. Not their child, not a distant relative, not even a friend’s child. I would like to think they took the time to comfort him when he was scared, hungry, cold, or sleepy, though I doubt this was the case. There were other sick children to care for, other patients to tend to, most likely their own family waiting for them at home.
Being in a hospital is far less desirable then being in an orphanage. Ilya was not only waiting for resolution to his medical concerns, he was also waiting for a spot to open in an orphanage in the Moscow region. When that day finally came in September 2007, Ilya was taken from the only environment he had ever known, and thrust into a totally new situation. He now shared a room, clothing, shoes, toys, mealtime, playtime, naps, bedtime, 2 caregivers and 4 tutors with a minimum of 8 other children. His nutrition was barely adequate and while his needs were being met, that too was barely sufficient.
Fast forward another 6 months to March 2008, and now the poor boy has 2 strangers visiting him for a couple hours each day for 4 days, disrupting the schedule he had just settled in to. They’re speaking a language he doesn’t understand, taking him from his friends and caregivers to play with him in a way he had never been played with before. He gets a small taste of what it’s like to receive a parent’s love. He’s rocked to sleep, he gets undivided individual attention, hugs and kisses. He hears “I love you” perhaps for the first time. Then *POOF* just as quickly as these mysterious strangers appear, they’re gone. 4 days of getting to know us, and then he’s suddenly abandoned all over again, just like when he was left at the hospital after he was born.
Fast forward 2 months to May 2008, and these strangers appear out of the blue again. He seems to remember them, and seems happy to see them, but he is a little hesitant. Is that because he was thinking to himself “How long are they going to stick around this time?” Well, the news for Ilya is that we were sticking around Moscow for 3 weeks…BUT we’re also uprooting him once more and taking him from the only true “home” he’s ever had. So, not only do we disappear for awhile, now we’re whisking him away to a life so vastly different than anything he’s ever known. We know it’s in his best interest, that he’ll always be safe and loved, but he doesn’t. Not yet at least.
All he knows is that he’s missing his favorite caregiver Tatiana, he may be missing his friends, he doesn’t understand what we’re saying to him. Just over a week ago, we stuck him in a cylindrical tube that was 35,000+ feet in the air for nearly 11 hours. He’s now sleeping in a new room by himself, eating strange new food, wearing different clothes every day. While this may not seem like much to you, consider that he used to sleep in a room with at least 8 other kids. At the same hour each & every day, he received the same exact meal as he did the day before. There was no variety. He wore the same clothes for a few days at a time. Maybe even longer. He was sponge bathed and had never been immersed in water until we came along. So many changes for such a little boy.
Put yourself in his place. How confused would you be? After only 11 days how easy would it be for you to place trust in, or bond with, these people who so far have a bit of a shady track record in your opinion. They show up, disappear, show up again, and then totally change every aspect of your young life. Yeah, they give you affection, feed you and change your diapers, and you have a lot of fun playing with them but at the end of the day, do you question whether they’ll be there when you wake up the next morning, or are they going to disappear once more? Do you question if you’re going to wake up in the same room tomorrow, or will they cart you off once again to some strange, scary place you’ve never seen and that you’ll have to try once more to adjust to? I have no idea if Ilya has any of these insecurities or not, but even if there is a slight chance he does, we need to address it as soon as possible.
All of these reasons, and many more, are why Norm & I are trying to provide Ilya as much consistency in his schedule as possible. Part of that consistency is helping Ilya understand what “parents” are, and helping him learn to trust and love us. We want him to realize that we will meet all of his needs and he no longer has to depend on multiple groups of people to take care of him. Once Ilya learns to trust us (ie, BOND with us) then he’ll start ATTACHING with us, or truly feeling affectionate towards us.
Institutionalized children especially need time to form attachments to their parents in order to maintain the bonds of trust, achieve full intellectual potential, acquire a conscience, develop relationships with others, claim their identity and gain self-esteem, learn how to regulate feelings, begin their language development, and much more.
With that said, we absolutely want Ilya to feel loved by other family members, and to love them in return. This little guy deserves as many people to care about him as are willing/wanting to. We want him to grow into a happy, friendly, social child. At the same time, though, he needs to learn that he should seek us before seeking attention from just any stranger. Sadly not every person in this world will be looking out for his best interest. So, in order for him to learn to look for that reassurance & approval from us, he must first bond and attach to us.
Okay, still with me here? Good. One last point and then I’ll stop holding you hostage. Norm & I love having his mom here with us. She is a tremendous help in so many ways. She is invaluable to me as I learn how to be a mommy. She’s the one who forces me to eat when I forget (she cooks after all!!), and the one I can have an adult conversation with when Ilya takes a nap and Norm is out of the house. I seek advice from her but she is not “pushy” in her opinions on our parenting decisions. She may not agree with everything, but she doesn’t force it either. When we posted that Ilya seemed to prefer her over us, we wrote that hoping that other adoptive parents and people with more experience in the lines of attachment & bonding would give us some pointers as to whether we needed to work on OUR OWN bonding/attachment with Ilya. Which, thankfully, we have received. We were NOT stating that we didn’t want Ilya to attach to her. I know there were some folks out there alarmed, and perhaps offended, by that one sentence and I apologize. I don’t know…maybe some other family members were put on alert and thought that we didn’t want Ilya to show affection towards you. That is not the case either. Please know this!! No one has said this to me directly but I hope, truly hope, that thought never entered your mind. Given everything that Ilya has been through, and will continue to adjust to, Norm & I need to make sure that we are able to instill in Ilya a sense of trust, comfort and love in us.
Ilya’s earlier preference to Grandma may have bee normal toddler behavior, or may have been testing me & Norm to make sure we’d stick around and not pawn him off to someone else. I honestly don’t know which applies, or if they both do. I can tell you this, the struggle he put up in order to be away from us and with Grandma was very alarming…like his life depended on it. He no longer acts this way, and will happily go from us to Grandma and back again, so I’m thinking he was testing us. Even though things are great now doesn’t mean he won’t test us again in the future in this regard. In fact, I expect him to. What I don’t expect is for Ilya to completely bond/attach with us this week or next, or even next month. This takes time to develop and nurture, and while that takes place Norm & I need to be grateful for and promote any instance that Ilya seeks us out over someone else.
I hope this all makes sense! Sorry for the length, but I thought it was important to explain to everyone. Thanks for sticking with this post! Please, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions leave a comment here or shoot me an email. Thanks!
I often forget that not everyone reading our blog is familiar with the unique challenges adoptive parents of institutionalized children face. When Norm & I were in the homestudy phase of our adoption journey, we needed to complete Hague Training, which includes specific courses to help prepare adoptive parents as much as possible for these potential trials. The topics we studied included – but certainly were not limited to - medical issues often seen in international adoption, the psychological impact these children face when leaving the only home they may have ever known, and social issues of the country we decided to adopt from (i.e., the prevalence of smoking & drinking during pregnancy in many Eastern European countries), just to name a few.
Perhaps the most detailed subject we tackled was - and realistically may be for awhile - bonding and attachment. Bonding is best described as trust, and attachment as affection. I will NEVER profess myself to be a bonding/attachment expert but I will say this…I took this part of our Hague Training very seriously. Extremely seriously. And I continue to research the topic for one reason – to try to do right by my son. He deserves no less. Let me explain…
Most infants between 2-6 months old start bonding & attaching with their parents through daily interactions with them. Their parents greet them with smiles, make prolonged eye contact, hold and cuddle them, rock them to sleep, take care of their daily needs, and make happy noises to/with them. Their cries are answered, their bellies are full. They are made to feel safe, loved and valued. The child is able to study and memorize their parents’ facial features, since that is the face they see filled with love each morning they wake up, and each night before they fall asleep. It is the same face that feeds and clothes them, changes their dirty diapers, and bathes them.
Would you like to know how my son spent his first 6 months of life? Lying in a hospital crib alone, continuously being poked, prodded and studied by numerous doctors and nurses trying to find resolution to some potentially significant medical concerns. To them, he was an orphaned patient. Not their child, not a distant relative, not even a friend’s child. I would like to think they took the time to comfort him when he was scared, hungry, cold, or sleepy, though I doubt this was the case. There were other sick children to care for, other patients to tend to, most likely their own family waiting for them at home.
Being in a hospital is far less desirable then being in an orphanage. Ilya was not only waiting for resolution to his medical concerns, he was also waiting for a spot to open in an orphanage in the Moscow region. When that day finally came in September 2007, Ilya was taken from the only environment he had ever known, and thrust into a totally new situation. He now shared a room, clothing, shoes, toys, mealtime, playtime, naps, bedtime, 2 caregivers and 4 tutors with a minimum of 8 other children. His nutrition was barely adequate and while his needs were being met, that too was barely sufficient.
Fast forward another 6 months to March 2008, and now the poor boy has 2 strangers visiting him for a couple hours each day for 4 days, disrupting the schedule he had just settled in to. They’re speaking a language he doesn’t understand, taking him from his friends and caregivers to play with him in a way he had never been played with before. He gets a small taste of what it’s like to receive a parent’s love. He’s rocked to sleep, he gets undivided individual attention, hugs and kisses. He hears “I love you” perhaps for the first time. Then *POOF* just as quickly as these mysterious strangers appear, they’re gone. 4 days of getting to know us, and then he’s suddenly abandoned all over again, just like when he was left at the hospital after he was born.
Fast forward 2 months to May 2008, and these strangers appear out of the blue again. He seems to remember them, and seems happy to see them, but he is a little hesitant. Is that because he was thinking to himself “How long are they going to stick around this time?” Well, the news for Ilya is that we were sticking around Moscow for 3 weeks…BUT we’re also uprooting him once more and taking him from the only true “home” he’s ever had. So, not only do we disappear for awhile, now we’re whisking him away to a life so vastly different than anything he’s ever known. We know it’s in his best interest, that he’ll always be safe and loved, but he doesn’t. Not yet at least.
All he knows is that he’s missing his favorite caregiver Tatiana, he may be missing his friends, he doesn’t understand what we’re saying to him. Just over a week ago, we stuck him in a cylindrical tube that was 35,000+ feet in the air for nearly 11 hours. He’s now sleeping in a new room by himself, eating strange new food, wearing different clothes every day. While this may not seem like much to you, consider that he used to sleep in a room with at least 8 other kids. At the same hour each & every day, he received the same exact meal as he did the day before. There was no variety. He wore the same clothes for a few days at a time. Maybe even longer. He was sponge bathed and had never been immersed in water until we came along. So many changes for such a little boy.
Put yourself in his place. How confused would you be? After only 11 days how easy would it be for you to place trust in, or bond with, these people who so far have a bit of a shady track record in your opinion. They show up, disappear, show up again, and then totally change every aspect of your young life. Yeah, they give you affection, feed you and change your diapers, and you have a lot of fun playing with them but at the end of the day, do you question whether they’ll be there when you wake up the next morning, or are they going to disappear once more? Do you question if you’re going to wake up in the same room tomorrow, or will they cart you off once again to some strange, scary place you’ve never seen and that you’ll have to try once more to adjust to? I have no idea if Ilya has any of these insecurities or not, but even if there is a slight chance he does, we need to address it as soon as possible.
All of these reasons, and many more, are why Norm & I are trying to provide Ilya as much consistency in his schedule as possible. Part of that consistency is helping Ilya understand what “parents” are, and helping him learn to trust and love us. We want him to realize that we will meet all of his needs and he no longer has to depend on multiple groups of people to take care of him. Once Ilya learns to trust us (ie, BOND with us) then he’ll start ATTACHING with us, or truly feeling affectionate towards us.
Institutionalized children especially need time to form attachments to their parents in order to maintain the bonds of trust, achieve full intellectual potential, acquire a conscience, develop relationships with others, claim their identity and gain self-esteem, learn how to regulate feelings, begin their language development, and much more.
With that said, we absolutely want Ilya to feel loved by other family members, and to love them in return. This little guy deserves as many people to care about him as are willing/wanting to. We want him to grow into a happy, friendly, social child. At the same time, though, he needs to learn that he should seek us before seeking attention from just any stranger. Sadly not every person in this world will be looking out for his best interest. So, in order for him to learn to look for that reassurance & approval from us, he must first bond and attach to us.
Okay, still with me here? Good. One last point and then I’ll stop holding you hostage. Norm & I love having his mom here with us. She is a tremendous help in so many ways. She is invaluable to me as I learn how to be a mommy. She’s the one who forces me to eat when I forget (she cooks after all!!), and the one I can have an adult conversation with when Ilya takes a nap and Norm is out of the house. I seek advice from her but she is not “pushy” in her opinions on our parenting decisions. She may not agree with everything, but she doesn’t force it either. When we posted that Ilya seemed to prefer her over us, we wrote that hoping that other adoptive parents and people with more experience in the lines of attachment & bonding would give us some pointers as to whether we needed to work on OUR OWN bonding/attachment with Ilya. Which, thankfully, we have received. We were NOT stating that we didn’t want Ilya to attach to her. I know there were some folks out there alarmed, and perhaps offended, by that one sentence and I apologize. I don’t know…maybe some other family members were put on alert and thought that we didn’t want Ilya to show affection towards you. That is not the case either. Please know this!! No one has said this to me directly but I hope, truly hope, that thought never entered your mind. Given everything that Ilya has been through, and will continue to adjust to, Norm & I need to make sure that we are able to instill in Ilya a sense of trust, comfort and love in us.
Ilya’s earlier preference to Grandma may have bee normal toddler behavior, or may have been testing me & Norm to make sure we’d stick around and not pawn him off to someone else. I honestly don’t know which applies, or if they both do. I can tell you this, the struggle he put up in order to be away from us and with Grandma was very alarming…like his life depended on it. He no longer acts this way, and will happily go from us to Grandma and back again, so I’m thinking he was testing us. Even though things are great now doesn’t mean he won’t test us again in the future in this regard. In fact, I expect him to. What I don’t expect is for Ilya to completely bond/attach with us this week or next, or even next month. This takes time to develop and nurture, and while that takes place Norm & I need to be grateful for and promote any instance that Ilya seeks us out over someone else.
I hope this all makes sense! Sorry for the length, but I thought it was important to explain to everyone. Thanks for sticking with this post! Please, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions leave a comment here or shoot me an email. Thanks!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Locks of Love
I hope that as Ilya grows up, Norm & I are able to instill in him a desire to help those who are less fortunate.
I am so proud of my niece, Diggy Dawg. She & her friend made a very unselfish decision to cut their hair yesterday and donate it to Locks of Love. If you're not familiar with this charity, they provide wigs/hair pieces to kids who have long term hair loss due to cancer treatments or other medical diagnosis. These wigs really help to boost the confidence of the children who receive them, and it is a wonderful gift to give if you are willing/able to do so.
I didn't realize that the minimum ponytail donation length is 10 inches. That's a lot of hair to part with at one time, which makes me that much more impressed with my niece's donation. She & her friend made this decision on their own & they were really into it. There aren't many (almost) 11 year old's that I know of who would consider the well-being of a stranger over their own appearance. Now, that's not to say that her new look is anything but fantastic! She has a natural beauty about her and no matter what her hair length is, she looks wonderful. Here are a few photos from the big day:
Way to go Diggy Dawg! The gift you're providing to someone is amazing. We can't wait to see you in a few weeks!
Love Ya,
Aunt Karyn, Uncle Norm & Ilya
I am so proud of my niece, Diggy Dawg. She & her friend made a very unselfish decision to cut their hair yesterday and donate it to Locks of Love. If you're not familiar with this charity, they provide wigs/hair pieces to kids who have long term hair loss due to cancer treatments or other medical diagnosis. These wigs really help to boost the confidence of the children who receive them, and it is a wonderful gift to give if you are willing/able to do so.
I didn't realize that the minimum ponytail donation length is 10 inches. That's a lot of hair to part with at one time, which makes me that much more impressed with my niece's donation. She & her friend made this decision on their own & they were really into it. There aren't many (almost) 11 year old's that I know of who would consider the well-being of a stranger over their own appearance. Now, that's not to say that her new look is anything but fantastic! She has a natural beauty about her and no matter what her hair length is, she looks wonderful. Here are a few photos from the big day:
Way to go Diggy Dawg! The gift you're providing to someone is amazing. We can't wait to see you in a few weeks!
Love Ya,
Aunt Karyn, Uncle Norm & Ilya
Saturday, June 7, 2008
One Week Home!
Okay – I’m a bad, bad blogger! I apologize for not posting any updates on Ilya’s progress. Between adjusting to our new lives as parents to a FABULOUS little boy, internet issues, severe storms, power outages and being sick (yes, I’m sick AGAIN.. this is really getting old), I’ve been slacking on anything blog/email/Yahoo group related. But I do have good news to share with Ilya’s fans.
SLEEPING
Little Man has been doing great sleep wise. We put him to bed between 7:30-8pm, preferably closer to 7:30 but some days it takes a little while to get him to fall asleep. Except for his first night home, he has been sleeping straight through the night all the way until 6am-6:30am. This morning he slept in until 6:45! The schedule we received from the orphanage said his sleep time was 7:30pm-6:30am so we’re doing pretty well at sticking with that.
The orphanage also told us that he had naps from 9am-11:30am and 2pm-4pm. He typically is ready for a nap at 9am, and most days he wakes up between 10:30-10:45am. We’re really struggling with afternoon naps though. Yesterday he didn’t take on at all, and every other day it has been pretty dramatic trying to get him peaceful enough to fall asleep. Eventually he does but I feel so bad for him because you can tell he needs the nap but he fights the sleep so much.
Once he is to sleep, whether at night or for naps, nothing much can wake him up. We have had some pretty severe storms in our area almost every night this past week, and thought for sure the thunder claps or golfball size hail pounding on the skylights would be scary enough to wake him since we were startled awake more than once. Little man slept through all of it like a champ though.
Oh, and one of my favorite Ilya moments is watching him wake up. This boy wakes up so darn happy and gets the cutest little smile on his face, and laughs...it’s a wonderful, beautiful sound that I absolutely cherish!
EATING
Ilya’s a little chow hound! I love his mealtime because he gets so excited. We were not allowed to feed Ilya at the orphanage, so the first time we did was at the apartment in Moscow. I’ll never forget those first couple feedings because Little Man was so…robotic. His little fists would ball up, he’d sit so rigid in his booster seat, he wouldn’t make eye contact, wouldn’t kick his feet, nothing. It was totally emotionless for him. Now, however, all we need to do is sit him in his highchair and he knows it’s time for fun! His feet start kicking, he bounces up & down in his seat, his little hands wave in the air, claps his hands, and the melody of Ilya sounds starts full force. We’re trying to get good video of mealtime to share with everyone because the sounds he comes up with are hilarious.
We are, however, having trouble getting him to drink liquids. He loves juice but will not drink water, milk or formula. He does like Pediasure though, which is better than nothing. But we’d still like to get him accustomed to milk/formula as soon as possible. Any tips are GREATLY appreciated.
OUR PETS
SLEEPING
Little Man has been doing great sleep wise. We put him to bed between 7:30-8pm, preferably closer to 7:30 but some days it takes a little while to get him to fall asleep. Except for his first night home, he has been sleeping straight through the night all the way until 6am-6:30am. This morning he slept in until 6:45! The schedule we received from the orphanage said his sleep time was 7:30pm-6:30am so we’re doing pretty well at sticking with that.
The orphanage also told us that he had naps from 9am-11:30am and 2pm-4pm. He typically is ready for a nap at 9am, and most days he wakes up between 10:30-10:45am. We’re really struggling with afternoon naps though. Yesterday he didn’t take on at all, and every other day it has been pretty dramatic trying to get him peaceful enough to fall asleep. Eventually he does but I feel so bad for him because you can tell he needs the nap but he fights the sleep so much.
Once he is to sleep, whether at night or for naps, nothing much can wake him up. We have had some pretty severe storms in our area almost every night this past week, and thought for sure the thunder claps or golfball size hail pounding on the skylights would be scary enough to wake him since we were startled awake more than once. Little man slept through all of it like a champ though.
Oh, and one of my favorite Ilya moments is watching him wake up. This boy wakes up so darn happy and gets the cutest little smile on his face, and laughs...it’s a wonderful, beautiful sound that I absolutely cherish!
EATING
Ilya’s a little chow hound! I love his mealtime because he gets so excited. We were not allowed to feed Ilya at the orphanage, so the first time we did was at the apartment in Moscow. I’ll never forget those first couple feedings because Little Man was so…robotic. His little fists would ball up, he’d sit so rigid in his booster seat, he wouldn’t make eye contact, wouldn’t kick his feet, nothing. It was totally emotionless for him. Now, however, all we need to do is sit him in his highchair and he knows it’s time for fun! His feet start kicking, he bounces up & down in his seat, his little hands wave in the air, claps his hands, and the melody of Ilya sounds starts full force. We’re trying to get good video of mealtime to share with everyone because the sounds he comes up with are hilarious.
We are, however, having trouble getting him to drink liquids. He loves juice but will not drink water, milk or formula. He does like Pediasure though, which is better than nothing. But we’d still like to get him accustomed to milk/formula as soon as possible. Any tips are GREATLY appreciated.
OUR PETS
All of our pets adore Ilya! Even Ivan (our cat who has been in hiding for 13 years when anyone but me is in the house) journeys out of some nook or cranny to say hello to Ilya. Ilya is absolutely fascinated by both cats & loves to follow them around. Each day with the dogs is better than the day before. Bailey & Bandit love Ilya and are very protective of him. He is now reaching out to pet them, he is used to their barking and the noises they make when we play with them. He really enjoys watching me throw things for the dogs to chase and laughs as they run by him to fetch things. Since our dogs are so large, 135 lbs & 90 lbs, they are only allowed to run around when Ilya is safely tucked away into his “gated community” (see photo below), or safely in someone’s arms/lap. When I say they’re only allowed to run around at certain times, that means that they know when their playtime is, and they know when it’s time to be calm. Honestly, I don’t they’d run with him close to them anyway since they’re both so protective.
This is Bandit checking in on Ilya's Gated Community to make sure all is well!
BATH TIME!
Ilya still loves taking baths and is really starting to have fun now. He kicks his feet, splashes, and makes a great mess for us to clean up. We hesitantly tried a bubble bath a few nights ago. I say hesitantly because of the experience Rob & Dede had with their son when they first tried this. At first Ilya was a little unsure of the bubbles sticking to him but it took no time at all to discover how fun it was!
CHANGING CLOTHES
For whatever reason, changing Ilya’s clothes seems very traumatic for him. Especially when something has to go over his head to take off or put on. He has horrible crying fits that are thankfully getting less frequent and less dramatic, but are still worrisome nonetheless. We can’t figure out why this is such a stressful thing for him and are working at making it a more peaceful time. Like I said, it’s getting better but it’s still not great.
BONDING/ATTACHMENT
BONDING/ATTACHMENT
I think we continue to do well in this area. Ilya still makes great eye contact, mimics facial expressions, touches our facial features during feeding and quiet time (getting ready for sleep). He looks for us when we’re not in the same room, he gives hugs, pats our backs when we hold him. Norm’s mom lives with us and she & Ilya are attaching very well also. Admittedly there are times when it seems that Ilya prefers her over one of us, but it’s difficult to tell if this is typical toddler behavior or something we should be mindful of. Sometimes he doesn’t want to leave her to come to one of us. Less frequently he will not want to leave one of us to see her. So again, not sure if this is typical behavior or not but if you have advice to pass on, please do so!
LIKES & DISLIKES
LIKES & DISLIKES
It will be easier to list Ilya’s dislikes than likes, since he seems to like just about everything! Besides the whole clothing issue, the one thing he does not like at all is being told “no”. Realistically though, who does?! Ilya’s biggest love seems to be music. When we’re alone, he & I dance together to ABC’s, Old McDonald & other children’s tunes. We laugh, sing, dance, clap our hands and just have a grand ol’ time. As I said in an earlier post, when I dance I sadly bear a resemblance Elaine on Seinfeld, which is why this is done with only Ilya & the dogs watching. None of them can talk to pass along how dorky I am! Ilya loves it though so we’ll continue this daily special time together.
Okay, I’ve taken enough of your time. I have lots of other pictures to share, but Blogger is protesting uploading them now because of the crazy storms. I'll try again tomorrow. I promise to do better at posting now that we have survived the first week. I gotta tell ya - - this mommy thing is pretty cool! Pretty cool indeed.
Okay, I’ve taken enough of your time. I have lots of other pictures to share, but Blogger is protesting uploading them now because of the crazy storms. I'll try again tomorrow. I promise to do better at posting now that we have survived the first week. I gotta tell ya - - this mommy thing is pretty cool! Pretty cool indeed.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Mmmm! Smells Good!
Anyway, life with Ilya continues to go well, but honestly I'm swamped with adjusting to everything I need and want to do. It just takes time to come up with and find comfort in a new schedule but regardless of that we're still have a blast with our son. Until I get my new schedule under control, it would be great to have a couple mini-me's around to help out some. Between Ilya, Norm, 4 pets, 2 jobs (telecommuting when I can for both), blog posting, blog stalking, the CSS Yahoo group, serving on the Women's Ministry, and really jonesin' to get back into my volunteer animal rescue stuff, I forget common sense things like eating and sleeping. I do, however, shower! I almost threw "exercising" into that common sense list but who am I kidding? I haven't exercised in, well, years, and I can hear our gym equipment mocking me every time I walk by our work out room.
I'm working on a post to share some of our experiences with Ilya in the week we've had him and I promise to post it soon.
Take care everyone!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Home
1 a: one's place of residence : domicile b: house
2: the social unit formed by a family living together
3 a: a familiar or usual setting : congenial environment; also : the focus of one's domestic attention b: habitat
Courtesy of Merriam-Webster
At approximately 8:00pm on Saturday, May 31, 2008, Ilya began to discover the value of each of these definitions in his own life...ESPECIALLY #2!!
Welcome Home Ilya! Welcome home!
Ilya did great on our 10hr 40min. flight yesterday. He had a few "moments" but you know what? There were times on that flight when Norm & I were close to having "moments" of our own (and not b/c of anything Ilya did, but b/c of a few of our fellow passengers), so we certainly can understand and empathize with our little guy. All in all he did wonderful throughout his entire journey home.
He had a good first full day here and we hope he continues to feel comfy & safe. We're working on making friends with both Bailey & Bandit but at least Ilya didn't try to claw his way to the top of Norm's head when he first met them. There were tears but that's mainly due to our overly friendly Lab, Bailey, who literally shreaks when she meets new people. It's quite painful on the ears sometimes so I can only imagine what was going through Ilya's mind when he heard it the first time. Today, we had Ilya in the dining room and the dogs in the living room, with a gate separating them. Norm & I took turns on both sides of the gate, either holding Ilya or playing with the dogs to show Ilya that they weren't trying to eat us, so they wouldn't try to eat him. This technique seemed to work because Ilya started to relax his grip and make "ooo ooo" sounds through the gate. By the end of the day, Ilya was able to sit on our laps in the same room as the dogs and not be terrified. He'll let the dogs get pretty close but isn't so keen yet on the whole licking thing, especially on his feet. I think with time they'll all be the best of buddies. The dogs already love Ilya (how can you not??) and I think he'll soon be warming up to them as well. Thankfully he has no issues with our cats. The cats on the other hand, well, they're not as thrilled as the dogs with Ilya's arrival.
There's more to share and photos as well, but honestly the combination of jet lag and life with a 14 month old are taking turns tag teaming me. I'm heading off to sleep some of this exhaustion off. I'll post those pictures asap though.
2: the social unit formed by a family living together
3 a: a familiar or usual setting : congenial environment; also : the focus of one's domestic attention
Courtesy of Merriam-Webster
At approximately 8:00pm on Saturday, May 31, 2008, Ilya began to discover the value of each of these definitions in his own life...ESPECIALLY #2!!
Welcome Home Ilya! Welcome home!
Ilya did great on our 10hr 40min. flight yesterday. He had a few "moments" but you know what? There were times on that flight when Norm & I were close to having "moments" of our own (and not b/c of anything Ilya did, but b/c of a few of our fellow passengers), so we certainly can understand and empathize with our little guy. All in all he did wonderful throughout his entire journey home.
He had a good first full day here and we hope he continues to feel comfy & safe. We're working on making friends with both Bailey & Bandit but at least Ilya didn't try to claw his way to the top of Norm's head when he first met them. There were tears but that's mainly due to our overly friendly Lab, Bailey, who literally shreaks when she meets new people. It's quite painful on the ears sometimes so I can only imagine what was going through Ilya's mind when he heard it the first time. Today, we had Ilya in the dining room and the dogs in the living room, with a gate separating them. Norm & I took turns on both sides of the gate, either holding Ilya or playing with the dogs to show Ilya that they weren't trying to eat us, so they wouldn't try to eat him. This technique seemed to work because Ilya started to relax his grip and make "ooo ooo" sounds through the gate. By the end of the day, Ilya was able to sit on our laps in the same room as the dogs and not be terrified. He'll let the dogs get pretty close but isn't so keen yet on the whole licking thing, especially on his feet. I think with time they'll all be the best of buddies. The dogs already love Ilya (how can you not??) and I think he'll soon be warming up to them as well. Thankfully he has no issues with our cats. The cats on the other hand, well, they're not as thrilled as the dogs with Ilya's arrival.
There's more to share and photos as well, but honestly the combination of jet lag and life with a 14 month old are taking turns tag teaming me. I'm heading off to sleep some of this exhaustion off. I'll post those pictures asap though.
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